The man—who was one of the roughly 7 percent of Americans adults living with a partner they are not married to, a figure that has risen from 3 percent since 1995, according to Pew Research Center—shared his dilemma on Reddit’s “Am I The A**hole?” forum.

In his post, which has been upvoted 10,600 times, he explained that he had split from his girlfriend of nine years, Cara.

Cara has a 14-year-old daughter, Layla. The man had been a part of her life since she was 5 and the pair had been “ridiculously close’ before the end of his relationship with her mom.

“Layla has never met her biological father, but considers me her father, and calls me dad,” he wrote. “I consider her my daughter.”

The man explained that he broke up with Cara four months ago, after she told him she didn’t want to have more children. “We tried to work it out, but just couldn’t because I wanted more children, while Cara didn’t,” he wrote.

The breakup has been a bad one, with Cara apparently accusing the man of “choosing blood over her and Layla.” As a result, she has not allowed him to see Layla.

He consulted a lawyer, who told him that because he was only the mother’s ex-boyfriend, he had “no rights to see Layla if Cara disapproves.”

The man added that the couple didn’t marry because “we, especially Cara, don’t really believe in the idea of marriage” while the idea of adopting Layla formally “just never came up.

He wrote: “I’ve been her dad, and everyone knows it.”

Last month, however, Layla showed up at his work “all upset,” having skipped school to see him. “She was hoping I’d come to see her and felt betrayed that I hadn’t,” he said. “She felt abandoned, that her dad (me) didn’t love or want her.”

The man saw little option other than to tell her “that I love her more than anything, and she’ll always be my daughter even if I can’t see her.” He also told Layla that he could not “legally” see her without her mother’s permission.

A week later, he received a furious call from his ex, complaining that Layla had been “trying to convince her” to let him see the girl, or to take him back.

Worse still, Layla had been “acting out” and been “extremely rude and cruel” to Cara. Although the man insists his actions were borne out of love for Layla, his parents think he is being “unnecessarily cruel” by involving her in the situation. His friends think he should not have given the girl “false hope.”

The internet disagreed. ImprovisedMess wrote: “She’s a 14 year old, not a 4 year old. She deserves to know why someone who loved her most of her life—who, for all intents and purposes, was basically her dad—just disappeared like that.

“Cara shouldn’t have been keeping that from her daughter. That’s a great way to foster abandonment and self-consciousness issues.”

Mybloodyballentine agreed: “Layla has every right to blame her mother. Her mother was the one who decided not to tell her she didn’t want you to have contact with Layla. The girl is 14! She needs the truth!”

Zay0712288 said Cara needed to “allow her daughter to do something that makes her happy. Cara needs to think about her daughter and put her needs first.”

Wonderwife was one of many Redditors who suggested that the situation might have actually been simpler if the couple were married. “Yes, ending a marriage can be more difficult than ending a long-term unmarried partnership… But both parties have legal protection in a divorce that they don’t have otherwise,” they wrote.

Feisty-Pina-Colada offered a similar thought. “If you’ve been together for 10 years, have a kid and even bought a house, why don’t you get married?” they asked. “What’s the difference besides the legal PROTECTION?”

The percentage of U.S. adults who are married has declined in recent years. According to the Pew Research Center, the figure dipped from 58 percent in 1995 to 53 percent in November 2019.

Prestigious-Check-23 pointed out that although Cara was clearly “struggling” with the breakup, so was her daughter. “The daughter is innocent and shouldn’t be left feeling so abandoned.”

Newsweek has contacted the original poster for comment.

Other family dilemmas posted on Reddit this week have gone viral. One parent drew criticism on the forum after revealing that they made their daughter do chores despite the fact she was nursing a sprained knee.

Elsewhere, a woman was backed over her decision to refuse to babysit her teenage brother following an “incident” several years back.