5:01 Check movie times.
8:00 Get to cineplex. Movie begins.
8:29 Check watch.
8:34 Briefly drift off.
9:30 Film ends. Theater fills with eerie sound of an adolescent boy shouting, “That was a boring-a– movie.” The legend grows.
Day Two: “Blair Witch” jones nowhere near sated. Catch plane, rent car, drive through Maryland countryside. Arrive at Union Cemetery in Burkittsville, site of one of the film’s opening scenes, at 3:00 p.m.
3:05 Three teenage girls show up with disposable cameras. They take pictures of the cemetery sign and several headstones.
3:15 Girls insist on driving me to nearby Spook Hill, a legendary local spot. Upon arrival, teen girl driver brings car to complete stop in center of narrow, two-lane highway. Puts car in neutral. Car begins to roll “uphill,” in an optical illusion. Girls are thrilled. I scan highway, certain that death in form of oncoming pickup is imminent.
3:30 Back in cemetery, a family arrives and begins taking pictures and videotaping in graveyard. Report they like the movie: “It had a nice twist to it. It was fiction, right?”
3:45 Visit local post office. Cheerful postal worker Angie says several Blairheads have come in today, from as far as Ohio. She then apologetically confirms that the town doesn’t have any restaurants or public restrooms.
4:30 Visit town’s “Blair Witch” entrepreneur. Linda sells “Blair Witch” refrigerator magnets and “stick man” brooches for about $5. She says she didn’t like the movie (“I’m religious, and it was too foulmouthed”) but proudly confides she’s sold dozens of souvenirs on eBay.
5:00-7:30 Hang out in cemetery again. More fans straggle in, three claiming to have come from 200 miles away. All liked the film and thought it was “scary.” Total visitors, not including media members: 12. Media members: 3.
7:30 Leave cemetery to check into unspookily named Maple Tree Campground in nearby woods. Woman at check-in desk complains about the Blairheads. Says town’s real attraction is its historic Civil War battlegrounds.
7:45 Pitch tent as sun sets. Hear terrifying screams that sound like shrieking demons or perhaps two children playing tetherball.
9:30 Lie awake in the dark, dirty and hungry–haven’t showered since this morning, haven’t eaten in more than an hour.
10:30 Yahoos at nearby campsite are shouting. Become briefly scared, then stop.
11:30 Fall fast asleep, despite discomfort from what seems to be a carefully arranged pile of rocks underneath my tent, but is in fact just the ground.
Day Three: 9:30 a.m.-3:00 p.m. Strike tent, drive to airport, catch plane, return to office. Vow never to return to haunted realm of Blair Witch.
