With the Democrats’ Puerto Rico primary only days away, the predictable flood of Latin-flavored celebrity endorsements is finally upon us. In Hillary Clinton’s corner is Puerto Rico native Ricky “Livin’ La Vida Loca” Martin, who announced this morning that he is supporting Clinton because she’s been “consistent in her commitment with [sic] the needs of the Latino community.” (No mention, unfortunately, of whether her “lips are devil red” and/or “her skin is the color mocha.”) Although Martin’s backing may have been more helpful in, say, the year 2000, when people actually knew that he existed, Clinton praised the former Menudoite’s “great talent” and professed herself “honored” to have his endorsement. Apparently, Jennifer Lopez didn’t return Terry McAuliffe’s calls.

Meanwhile, Barack Obama–who informs Puerto Ricans that “Soy Barack Obama” in a new Spanish-language ad released this week, but has otherwise spent only a day campaigning on the island–is letting his star supporters do most of the speaking for him. In an effort to contain the inevitable fallout from Clinton’s earth-shattering Martin announcement, the group responsible for March’s pouty “Yes, We Can” video this afternoon released “Podemos con Obama” (above), a similar clip starring John Leguizamo, George Lopez, Paulina Rubino, Luis Guzman, Frankie Needles, Lila Downs and (heart be still) Jessica Alba, along with nearly 20 others. The more celebs, it seems, the merrier–even though their sultry Español skills might’ve been put to better use back in February, when they could’ve helped Obama not lose the primaries in California, Arizona and New Mexico, instead of now, when the results of the remaining contests are irrelevant–and the general election is still five months away. “Obama is our future,” they say. “Obama is different… education, youth… strength, inspiration… hope… warmth.” And here we thought he was just a politician.

At this point, Saturday is shaping up to be a pretty daunting day for the good people of Puerto Rico. Picture it. A father and a son huddle before the TV in a small, humid San Juan apartment. “Look,” says the father as the local news begins. “The singer of ‘She Bangs’ supports Hillary for president. I think I’ll vote for her, too.” “But wait,” counters the son. “Did you know that ‘The Pest’ and that guy who played the token Hispanic on HBO’s failed series “John from Cincinnati” have joined forces for Obama?” The father pauses, reflects and breaks into tears. “Why must this be so hard?” he cries. “Why?”

Or not.

FULL TRANSCRIPT OF “PODEMOS CON OBAMA” (courtesy of NEWSWEEK’s Arian Campo Flores)

Text at beginning: By more than 3.5 million votes, Pres. Bush won the 2004 elections. 8 million Latinos eligible to vote didn’t vote. Your vote makes all the difference.

Obama speaking in Spanish: We are ready to walk. Yes we can.

Video footage, with Alejandro Sanz on guitar.

Paulina Rubio: Obama is our future. Don Omar: Obama is different. CuCu Diamantes: Obama is education, youth. Andres Levin: Strength, inspiration. Kate del Castillo with male: Obama is hope. Lila Downs: Obama is warmth. Lin-Manuel Miranda: Obama is a change we need. Kate del Castillo: And I as a Latina here in the United States want that change. Don Omar: More than anything, he’s hopeful. I think that’s the word. Lila Downs: Obama is someone who’s very conscious of the realities people live in our country. Alejandro Sanz: We need to have immigration reform. Paulina Rubio: That they support our families. Lin-Manuel Miranda: Obama is the end of this war in Iraq. Paulina Rubio: We want peace. Voltio: More unity for the whole world. Female: I don’t want first world or second world or third world. I want one world. Female with baby: Obama is like me, like a Puerto Rican. Lila Downs: I identify with him. Male: He understands us. Voltio: He comes from below, like me. Lin-Manuel Miranda: That’s my candidate. CuCu Diamantes: It seems unbelievable that a country like the United States could have a health care system that doesn’t work. Don Omar: Fourteen million Latin Americans are outside the system and have no health insurance. Paulina Rubio: Let’s fight for our families. Andres Levin: With Obama we can do it. Andres Levin: Your vote does make a difference. Paulina Rubio: You and I need a better world. Don Omar: This is the moment. Female: We can change the future. Voltio: I know there’s a change coming. George Lopez: Yes we can. But we can do more. Kate del Castillo: It’s your country. Kate del Castillo: We need Obama.

Last text: Action. Change. Vote Obama.