While only you can determine the unique tone of your eulogy, the following five tips will help you write and deliver a touching, meaningful eulogy in nearly any funeral or memorial setting.
Instead, you should create a eulogy that you can deliver in around five minutes. If possible, ask the funeral director, clergy member, celebrant, or other officiants beforehand how much time you will have during the service, but five minutes is a good rule of thumb.
To help keep your remembrance speech brief, you should focus your eulogy on a specific quality or two about the deceased that you admire, or share a story about the deceased that expresses a significant personality trait or formative moment in their life.
Ideally, try to relate something that you witnessed firsthand or that personally involved you, but if you’re having trouble thinking of something, then it’s OK to ask a close loved one for some ideas.
Instead, share a story that illustrates something your loved one enjoyed—especially if you were also part of that story. If you can’t think of a firsthand story to share, then talk to a close family member or friend and borrow one from them.
For example, if you and Uncle Ben once took a road trip on his motorcycle to see the Packers play football, that is the story to tell. Not only would this convey a deeper sense of his love of motorcycles and the Green Bay Packers, but you would also find it much easier to share other insights that listeners will find meaningful.
Assuming you’re not tasked with eulogizing somebody like Ebenezer Scrooge, you shouldn’t have a problem finding enough words to focus on the positive things.
In some cases, you might feel it’s impossible not to reference something negative or unflattering about the deceased, even though you’re trying to focus on the positive.
If you find yourself in this situation, then you should resort to a euphemism to help get you past the awkward point in your eulogy and to avoid adding greater pain to those mourning.
If the professionals use a written copy of their speeches, then you should too. While you definitely need to practice your eulogy several times to make sure it’s long enough and that you become familiar with it, there is no reason to feel you must deliver your remarks from memory.
Moreover, if you write your eulogy or remembrance speech on a computer, print it out using a font size that you find easy to read, and double-space the printout so it’s easier to keep your place.
In addition to your printed eulogy, it’s also a good idea to have a handkerchief or tissues with you in case you grow a little emotional, and a bottle of water should your throat feel dry.
To help you deliver your eulogy effectively, and to make it more interesting for listeners, speak in a conversational tone—as if you were simply talking to a family member or friend. This should be easier if you’ve followed the advice above and you’re sharing a story or other firsthand insights.
If you don’t feel you can look at your audience without growing emotional, however, then keep your focus on your written remarks and don’t feel self-conscious if you need to pause for a moment to compose yourself.
A Word From Verywell
Often, a memorial service takes place soon after you’ve experienced the loss. You and the other mourners may be early in the phases of grief.
As time passes, you may find that a grief support group can help you, or you may recommend one to others who seem to be struggling with the loss. Grief can become complicated grief and you may need further assistance.
