Who are you writing the letter to? Think about how you know this girl. Is she someone you admire from school who you’ve never spoken to? Is she a barista at a local coffee shop who you admire but are unsure how to approach? What do you like about this person? As you begin thinking about the letter’s recipient, think about why you’re infatuated with her. What about her do you admire and why? Go beyond mere physical beauty. For example, if you’re writing about a barista you have a crush on you might admire her hairstyle and eyes. However, try to push beyond this. What about her personality is intriguing to you? Is she always particularly polite with customers? Does she always smile at people, even if they don’t smile back?[1] X Research source Can you think of any specific incidents? People are attracted to people who notice them. If you can think of a specific moment when you realized you had feelings for this person, that would be great to include in the letter. Try to jog your memory and think of a specific moment when you began to develop romantic feelings. [2] X Research source
Writing someone a love letter takes courage and commitment. You have to sit down and physically write out your feelings. Delivering the letter carries a risk of rejection, especially if the recipient is very much a stranger to you. Therefore, the effort you took to write the letter in and of itself may be seen as impressive by the recipient. [4] X Research source Remember your intention if you feel nervous or frustrated when writing the letter. You want to let this stranger know you admire her. The energy behind that intention is more important than finding the perfect words and phrases. Allow your intent to guide you as you begin to express your feelings. [5] X Research source
When did you first notice this person? Did she sit ahead of you in algebra class and you noticed the smell of her conditioner? Did you order a latte from her when you were having a bad day and notice she drew a smiley face on the side of your cup? While your meeting may have been brief, and while she may not remember, you might have noticed something you can include in your letter. [6] X Research source How does this person affect you now? While you may not have a relationship in the present, you may still gain something valuable from day-to-day interactions with this person. For example, maybe it’s nice to see her through the window as you pass by your local Starbucks. Maybe it’s nice to overhear the music she’s listening to before the bell rings for class. [7] X Research source Finally, think of the future. Where do you want to go from here? Maybe you just wanted to express your feelings rather than bottling them up. However, maybe you’re hoping you could meet this person and the two of you could get to know each other. Think about what you want from this letter when considering the future. [8] X Research source
Be upfront about why you’ve never approached her in person. While many people enjoy anonymous love letters, there is always the risk of coming off the wrong way. You don’t want the recipient to feel like she’s being watched. It can help if you assure her, at some point, you’re a relatively normal person who happens to feel more comfortable expressing feelings in writing. There are a variety of reasons you may prefer writing a love letter. You could be shy, for example, and find expressing yourself easier in words. Maybe you only see her when she’s at work and don’t want to bother her. Whatever you reason, make sure you state it early on. You want to make sure the recipient understands why you chose a letter over simply talking to her. This way, you can help avoid potential confusion or discomfort. Returning to the example of the girl you know in algebra class, you may hesitate to approach her because you’re shy. You could write something like, “I always want to talk to you in person. However, I’m very shy by nature. Now that we’re halfway through the semester, I’m worried I’ll never get the courage together. So, I decided to write you a letter. "
Use specifics when possible. If you’re writing to a relative stranger, specifics may be hard. However, small things go a long way. Do you love the coconut-like smell of her shampoo? Do you enjoy how she laughs to herself during downtime at the coffee shop? Do you remember a comment she made in class that was particularly insightful? Let’s return to the algebra class example. You could write something like, “I notice you’re always listening to Elliot Smith. I am a big fan of his as well. I’m impressed by how drawn in you seem to the music. You seem to have an intense appreciation for art. "
This may be something small, as you don’t know this girl yet. However, even a small impact can be flattering. For example, maybe you always look forward to your 8AM British Literature seminar simply because you enjoy the contributions this girl makes to class. Returning to are example, you could write something like, “I know it sounds silly, but getting to see you each day makes me a bit more enthusiastic about going to algebra. I’ve never been a math person, but seeing you is a small treat that makes class more bearable. "
It may take a few tries before you find the right sentence. You may want to grab a piece of scrap paper and write down a few sentences before settling on one to include in your letter. It’s okay to be a little cheesy. Love letters are often somewhat overwrought but infatuation itself is often dramatic. Don’t be afraid to use language that sounds somewhat hyperbolic or ridiculous. [14] X Research source In our example, try something like, “You really do light up my mornings Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays with your spark, passion, and enthusiastic nature. " Above all, make sure that the message is authentic and representative of who you are as a person. [15] X Expert Source Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFPClinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor Expert Interview. 19 August 2020.
If you know the person’s name, it might be a good idea to write her name on a envelop and place the letter in there. Then, leave the envelop where she will see it. For example, if you’re writing to someone who works at a coffee shop you could leave the letter on your table or where drinks are set down. If you have an e-mail address for the person, consider e-mailing your letter. If the two of you have a mutual friend, see if that friend can deliver the letter. Do not try to send the letter in the mail. Getting a letter in the mail from a stranger can be scary. You do not want to come off as creepy.
