How To Work With Your Ex With Pictures

Is the job easily replaceable or temporary? Some reflection may show you that working with your ex is doing more harm than good, keeping you in a place of pain and confusion that the job is not necessarily worth.

The less you resist the fact that your ex is still in your life, the better. Sharing a workplace means that you must accept your ex’s presence and the feelings that will unavoidably come with seeing him or her regularly. Allow these feelings to wane naturally rather than forcing them out of your head. Trying to force feelings away creates passive aggression, moodiness, and the feelings are likely to come back with a vengeance when you least expect them to. Just because you are letting yourself feel things in relation to your ex, this does NOT mean that you must share these feelings in the workplace. Stick close to your journal and if you need to share what comes up, try talking to friends or family that have some distance from your workplace.

Continuing to give your ex this position in your life will keep you more emotionally attached to him or her than is necessary for a successful working relationship. This can keep you feeling as though you rely on his or her presence, at work or otherwise. The trick is to be able to see your ex while keeping in mind that they do not serve the purposes for you as they did while in a relationship. So, delegating these roles (person I can vent to, friend who can help me with tech issues that my ex used to handle) will keep you supported and strong in times of stress or excitement.

Continually remind yourself that things have changed between the two of you by focusing on what’s going on in the immediate interaction. Is your ex giving a presentation at a meeting? Notice that your attention is shifting from the business of the meeting to your ex’s pretty eyes and all the memories they bring up. Then, without judging yourself for having wandered off, bring your awareness back to the task at hand. You may want to ally yourself closely with a diligent co-worker whose attentiveness will help bring you back “in the zone” of work duties.

Socializing together with co-workers. Being involved in (or trying to avoid) working closely on projects together. Leaving baggage outside of the workplace. Opening the possibility to address serious problems outside of work, if they come up at all. However, the situation of the workplace does require that you remain somewhat flexible to surprise hallway run-ins with your ex. Be aware that there are some things that you can control, like the terms of engagement between you and your ex when you are interacting, but others that you can’t. You may not be able to control how often you see your ex.

For example, say you have been asked to have drinks with your co-workers after work and you know your ex has been invited too. Instead of taking the opportunity to let everyone know that you don’t want to be around your ex for an extra minute, graciously let them know that you do not wish to go out because you’d like time to yourself. Remind yourself that not wanting to socialize won’t be permanent.

For example, say you are discussing a work-related issue with your ex. You may notice that you are not making eye contact or that you have started to fidget with your hands. Both of these actions send signs that you are uncomfortable in the situation. At this point you can “act as if” and adjust your body language to make you and your ex more at ease. If you begin to see that your body language frequently signals anxiety and discomfort, you may want to spend more time reflecting on how you’re feeling. Correcting your body language in the interaction is a useful way to get by, but ultimately it may clue you in to deeper issues that can be addressed outside of the workplace.

Before talking, think deeply about whether it’s truly an issue that cannot be addressed on your own. A good rule of thumb is to only bring up an issue if you have a clear and reasonable request that you feel you need to make. [9] X Research source Rosenberg, Marshall B. Nonviolent communication: A language of compassion. Encinitas, CA: PuddleDancer Press, 1999. If you would like to request that your ex honor your space by not entering your office unexpectedly, then your need for space is not being met and you have grounds to make a request. If you cannot think of a reasonable request to make (and “stop being a jerk” is not one), chances are good that you are just looking to vent about your discomfort. If you do decide to bring up an issue with your ex, make sure that your demeanor is professional, intentional, and realistic about your role in the problem.

This may not be something you enjoy, but going to the root of the issue will show your ex that there are better outlets for their resentment than treating you poorly. Since it is your ex who needs this and not you, be willing to concede things that you normally would not. The goal here is to put an end to workplace sabotage, not to express your deep feelings. Talking about money is always awkward at work. So, if your ex starts talking to you (or in range) about a raise or a bonus, resist participating by keeping quiet or making it known that you are uninterested in the topic. Avoid indulging your ex’s attempts to “one up” you.

To gauge whether or not your current actions might trigger excessive negativity between you and your ex, think about how you would feel if the shoe was on the other foot. Wouldn’t want to see your ex leaving with the co-worker he or she has always been smitten for? Avoid doing the same out of sensitivity for the situation and a desire to keep it running smoothly. What about having to ride the elevator with your ex? Not all friendly conversation have to begin with your juicy life outside the office. Try bringing up a work-related frustration or joke circulating around co-workers that the two of you can share in without issue.

For example, your ex is making coffee for everyone and brings you yours, fixed exactly how you like it. Simply smile politely, thank them, and then let them know that you are not looking for any special treatment. While it’s a nice gesture, it’s more important to avoid reinventing your old way of acting together.

This is not to say that you have to be overly secretive about your past, just that you avoid making the topic “open”. If it feels absolutely necessary to note that you were once in a relationship, be absolutely clear that the relationship is over and that you will not discuss further details. Let others know that you appreciate your privacy and that the topic is not up for conversation.

Remember that it might be best to avoid sensitive topics altogether. Because it can be difficult to say what will spark lots of emotions surrounding the breakup, try disengaging from sensitive topics. At least initially, you may want to shy away from discussing romance, breakups, and experiences that you know you and your ex have shared.