Avoid acting bitterly towards your ex-partner if they tell you they are seeing someone else and try to respond with generosity. You do not want to be a source of negativity for your ex-partner and you do not want to turn them off in your attempts to reconnect with them.
Every relationship is unique, so it may take several weeks for you and your ex-partner to reconnect or it may take several months. Gauge your ex-partner’s comfort level by gently suggesting meeting up in person for a coffee or a drink after a period of talking back and forth via text, email, or phone. Choose a place that you know will be comfortable for your ex-partner, preferably a public place, and be accommodating to your ex-partner’s schedule when choosing the meeting time. It’s important that your ex-partner feel that you are willing to meet them on their terms, as this will demonstrate respect and care for their needs.
You should also listen to your ex-partner as they speak as a way to tell if they are interested in getting back together. If they use terms like “we” or “us”, they may be open to entering back into the relationship. Your ex-partner may also discuss how they feel, using “I” statements, and be willing to discuss your issues without judgement and with honesty.
During this conversation, try not to criticize your ex-partner. Your focus should be on what you can do to change or shift your old habits so your ex-partner will consider getting back together with you.
For example: “Now that we are talking and reconnecting, I feel like I should be honest with you and tell you I would like to get back together. " It’s important that you follow this statement with a discussion of how you will approach the relationship this time around and how you are willing to shift or change your habits so the relationship is stronger. “I know I made mistakes in the past and I am working on my own issues outside of our relationship. But if you are willing, I would like for us to try to be together again. "
You and your ex-partner may decide to go to therapy together to work on your issues with a professional. Often, couples therapy works best if both parties are invested in the future of the relationship and want to try to work on issues together. [4] X Expert Source Lisa ShieldDating Coach Expert Interview. 11 March 2021. With some honest conversations, time spent together in therapy, and a commitment to change, you may end up winning back your ex-partner.
Limiting your contact may mean avoiding any messaging via text or social media. If you really feel you need more distance and space, you might want to consider unfriending your partner from Facebook and removing their number from your phone. This will prevent you from being tempted to drop in your partner’s life while you are apart and can help you re focus on your issues and needs away from your partner.
This can help you take ownership of the part you played in the break up and help you focus on issues that you may need to work through on your own. [8] X Expert Source Lisa ShieldDating Coach Expert Interview. 11 March 2021. In the event your ex-partner does give you a second chance, you want to be sure you can step up and be a good partner. Part of this is acknowledging your shortcomings in the relationship and being willing to work on your shortcomings.
Depending on how close you are to your family or your friends, they may have seen you and your ex-partner together or they may have known you both well when you were together. They may be able to give you some insight and perspective on some of the possible issues in your relationship and ways that you can work on these issues. Be willing to listen to their advice, but remember that ultimately you will need to figure out how to work through your issues on your own.
Working on your issues with a good therapist will also show your ex-partner that you are willing to acknowledge any mistakes you made in the relationship and that you are focusing on cleaning up your act. This is particularly important if the relationship ended due to infidelity, boredom, sexual issues, mental health issues, or even communication issues.
