You can start with this list of child-custody laws organized by state. [2] X Research source You can also find summaries of state custody laws online. [3] X Research source Consider talking with an attorney in your area with family-law experience to get some advice regarding the specific laws of your state. Many attorneys will offer an initial consultation free of charge. You can also search specifically for the custody laws of your state. Type in “child custody laws” followed by the name of your state. Many states offer resources regarding custody law, either through the state’s judicial branch[4] X Research source or the state’s Office of Attorney General. [5] X Research source Most states use a standard aimed at ensuring that the “best interests” of the child are protected, which takes into account factors like the child’s age and individual needs, each parent’s ability to care for the child, any history of abuse/neglect, the bond between each parent and the child, and the wishes of the child. [6] X Research source
The court can grant either or both of these types of custody to either parent, or determine they should share custody (known as joint custody). [9] X Research source The type of sole custody you obtain will impact your life and the life of your child significantly, so make sure to take some time to think about what kind of custody you want, and what kind of custody arrangement is best for your child.
The age and sex of the child. The judge may hold the view that the younger the child, the more she needs her mother; however, as the child grows older, she may need her other parent to a greater extent. The physical and mental health of everyone involved. The court will examine if either of the parents is mentally ill or suffers from a physical condition that may affect parenting. The wishes of the child (if the child is of a certain age, usually between 12 and 16). While a child does not get to decide which parent he will live with, the court will generally consider the child’s wishes. The child’s adjustment to her home, school, and community. When parents live in different communities, the court may be reluctant to move children who are already well-adjusted to their current home. The child’s relationship with each parent, his siblings, and extended family. The court may be reluctant to move a child who has bonded with his siblings into a home where the siblings will not be living. Each parent’s work schedule. Work schedules that require a parent to be absent from the home for long hours may not be ideal for a parent seeking custody. Which parent is more likely to ensure that the child maintains a relationship with the other parent. Which parent has been the child’s primary caregiver. If one parent has done most of the work raising the child, the court may not want to remove the child from that parent’s home.
That the other parent is missing, absent, incarcerated, or has no desire to take part in raising the child. That the other parent has a substance-abuse problem. That the other parent has a history of domestic or family violence. That the other parent has issues with communicating, or that it is unlikely both parents will be able to mutually decide how best to raise the child.
For example, if the other parent is abusive, compile medical records, any relevant court orders (e. g. , a protection order), or police reports so that you can show these at the hearing to demonstrate a history of abuse. [17] X Research source Or, if the child currently lives with you and makes good grades at school, you may want to use his or her report card as evidence of the child’s adjustment to your home and community. Conversely, if the child currently lives with his or her other parent and has poor grades, you may want to use the report card to show that the child has not adjusted well to the other parent’s home. Other types of evidence you might want to use includes: financial information (e. g. , income tax returns, salary information, receipts documenting payments made to support the child), residential information (e. g. , information about the environment you can provide for the child), and resumes for any experts who will offer testimony that supports you having sole custody. [18] X Research source
For example, you might call a teacher, day-care worker, therapist, or doctor to testify that you take good care of your child. [20] X Research source You could also call anyone who can testify that you have always been the primary caregiver, that the other parent’s work schedule causes him or her to be away from home for long hours, or that the child does not seem to have a relationship with the other parent.
If you do retain counsel, make sure to inform him or her of anything the other parent may be able to use to cast you in a negative light during the custody hearing. Giving your lawyer advance warning allows him or her to better prepare in order to mitigate any potential damage to your case.
Do you believe that you are the best parent to have custody? If so, why? Do you believe that I am a bad parent? If so, why? Who do you intend to call as a witness? Do you believe that it is in your child’s best interests for you to have sole custody? If so, why?
Before you do this, however, make sure you have a strong case, and the independent investigation will result in evidence that is favorable to your application for sole custody. While judges are not require to follow the GAL’s recommendation, many place great emphasis on a GAL’s report. [23] X Research source The judge may independently appoint a GAL. If so, make sure to cooperate with his or her investigation.
You may also want to go over courtroom decorum with your witnesses. Things such as how they are dressed, what they call the judge, and the language they use can all affect your case. Conservative, work-casual clothes are best, they should refer to the Judge as “your Honor” or “Judge,” and should never use any foul language.
Be sure to cross-examine any witnesses the other parent calls to reframe their testimony in a light more favorable to you. [25] X Research source Try, however, to only ask questions to which you know the answer (and that the answer benefits your side).
Even if you plan to eventually get the courts involved, try this approach first. This will give you the most control over your child’s future (and avoid having a result you might not like imposed by the court) and, in the event you do have to go before a judge, you can bring up the fact that you at least tried to resolve the dispute on your own, showing you care about your child’s wellbeing and demonstrating your ability to compromise.
Remain sensitive to your child’s needs. This is not about you. Try to understand the other parent’s position and concerns. Thinking about things from the other person’s perspective will help you ultimately reach an agreement that works for everyone. Know what the law permits. Custody laws vary by state, both in what types of arrangements are allowed and what factors can influence the court when making a custody decision. Keep these in mind when trying to reach an agreement. Focus on common ground. Likely, both you and the other parent want what is best for your child. Keep the discussion away from contentious issues or divisive language and instead focus on obtaining an agreement that works for you and your child.
You can participate in mediation with or without a court order to do so.
